Everyday Musings, Funny M

When My Socials Became Anti-Social

Photo by Piotr Cichosz on Unsplash

Instagram: Manali loves me the most! Why are we even having this conversation? It’s a clear waste of time.

Facebook: *rolls eyes* oh, please! I came to her solace when she was mourning over her first love Orkut. She would never love anyone more than me. I’m literally the shoulder she cried on after a horrid breakup and I’m also the rebound who stuck around.

Instagram *scoffs*: And are you sure she is not cheating on you with me? Not even a little bit? I mean she does spend an awful amount of nighttime making love to me through her eyes full of stars.

YouTube: Are we really not going to talk about how I provide her the solace she needs, at all times and anywhere, in the form of her favorite balm, her music?

Spotify: *coughs* umm, what?

YouTube: *glaringly* Shut up dude, she also has a channel with me. And I don’t keep badgering her with 1-minute long ads. At least she can skip mine, you don’t even give her that choice.

Spotify: *sticking tongue out* She has a channel with me too now, JFYI.

LinkedIn: Guys, really, all these arguments are so inconsequential when we see her success and professional achievements. Where else can she share this if not via me? She has garnered over 1500+ followers through me in the shortest period and not just in India. She makes new global connections via me, every single day.

Instagram: Don’t give me that pointed look, dude. I gave her 13k followers!

Facebook: *almost yelling* Let’s not forget you also gave her two heartbreaks she’ll never get over. She still gets bouts of anxiety every now and then thinking that you might betray her again. May I remind you that she had to revive you twice and she almost lost her willingness to write?

Goodreads: *meekly* Umm, I’m sorry to butt in. I know she has only 20 or so odd followers with me. But I’m literally the only platform that gives her the official ‘author’ tag. It felt important to bring this up because we were talking about her writing. And.. and… I’m also the only one to connect her with her only true love, reading.

Amazon: *slamming a hand on the desk* Am I a joke to you? She has now self-published (and then gone on to traditionally publish) two out of her four books, thanks to me. People are able to read her books because I enable them to buy her books from me. Talking about reading, she reads only on Kindle now and I don’t need to point out where that comes from, do I?

Twitter: At this point, I feel so irrelevant in this conversation. I don’t even know why she still has me around.

Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Spotify, LinkedIn, and Goodreads in unison: Because she likes being everywhere!

WhatsApp: *sighing* That’s right guys. She’s using us all; rather ‘abusing’ us would be an appropriate term. I’m the most victimized here because she interconnects and makes a cocktail out of you all through me.

*all nod in agreement*

Instagram: Let’s not be too harsh on her. She does give us all a minimum 10-hour break every day though. Some of us more than that. Most other users don’t give us such leisurely hours.

Facebook *nodding reluctantly*: I kind of miss her too when she goes off. Like right now I’m just waiting for her to tap on my icon and see the amazing content I’ve gathered just for her.

Instagram: That’s true. I am doing the same and can’t wait for her eager eyes to check my feed.

*everyone shrugs and nods*

Facebook: Oh, wait wait. She’s coming online. Quick, everyone, remind her of what’s she missed. Let’s just conclude for now that we’re all important to her.

*all nod and prepare for launch*

In unison *holding hands*:

Smile, get set, and off we go into another glorious day of online content.

****

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