It sure sounds romantic: to love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. But the reality is very different. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be heartbreaking. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic; it just feels devastating. It hurts when your love isn’t reciprocated. It feels like it’s the end of the world and you just want to curl up into a ball and let the pain wash over you. Trust me, we’ve all been there. If not as an adult, we all have had that high school crush on the most popular guy or girl in school who never even knew of our existence. We all survived that though, didn’t we? Or if you were one of the popular kids, you might have had a crush on the cute nerd who always thought you were out of their league. In the end, true love is just a matter of finding the right person at the right time.
But this happens to other people too—many of them intelligent, good looking, and very charming—this will help you realize that unrequited love is not about you not being good enough. It could be about this not being the right moment for the two of you, or maybe you two just aren’t the right match for each other. As the saying goes, “nobody is perfect.” I know that you know this, but I also know that when you are in love, it is difficult to agree with this in-the-face fact.
Getting to know this person better could also help. If you do not know your crush well, you are bound to have built up an idealized image of them in your mind. It would be foolhardy to believe that this person does not have flaws, drawbacks, bad habits, or a negative attitude towards something important to you. Get to know them better; it might unearth something about them that actually proves to be a deal breaker for you.
Think of yourself as a phoenix, which rises newer and better from its own ashes. You might even stop believing in love or start cursing and doubting yourself. This never helps! Surround yourself with the people who love you, keep yourself engaged in activities that bring you happiness, date other people – these are just a few of the things to help you in getting over unrequited love. Over time, you might even realize that they were not that great, and a few years down the line, you might also laugh about it. You should focus on letting this type of love go, rather than continuing to devote more time and energy to it. Time does heal all wounds, whether it is a broken hand or a broken heart. 😉
There are others like you, despite what you think. They too have broken hearts, but they didn’t die, did they? Trust me, it’s NOT the end of the world, and you’ll bounce back to being your old self.
The time needed to recover varies from person to person and how deep your feelings are for the person in question, but you’ll get there, don’t worry. If you need some help along the way, here are some tips to help you move on. Getting over unrequited love can be difficult, but advice abounds for people in this position. So why not take the free help. 😉
1. Tell yourself you deserve better
This person is just not the right person for you. You definitely need to tell yourself that there are better people out there who will appreciate you and accept you for who you are. If it’s meant to be, it will happen eventually and when the time is right for both of you. So, build up your confidence and understand that you deserve a partner who feels the same way about you.
2. There are many fish in the sea
I know you must have heard this a thousand times. You might even be tired of the cliché. But, the dating world is full of opportunities and possibilities. Why not explore them? Maybe you’ll end up finding the right person once you let go of your unrequited love. Who knows?
3. Variety is the spice of life
Maybe you and that person are really meant to be together. But, you’ll never be able to know for sure until you date someone else, right? I mean, think about it; how can you know something is the best when there is nothing else to compare it with? So, go date a few other people. This might also lead to that person finally noticing you or getting jealous over losing you. One can always hope, right? 😉
4. Flirt around
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of flirting. It’ll not only make you feel better, but also prepare you for the upcoming dates. 😉 According to some reports, flirting is good for your health too. As long as it’s not something illegal or life threatening.
5. Join that class you have always wanted to
What is your favorite hobby? Or what have you always been afraid to do? Think about it and write them all down. Indulge in these activities and you will learn something new. Not to mention, it will also add to your confidence level.
6. Invest in yourself
Go shopping, join a gym, groom yourself, travel to new places, or learn something just for fun. This will not only make you feel better, but you will start looking better too. Remember, if you look good, you will also feel good. And when you feel good, you will make heads turn and get noticed.
7. Spend more time with your family and friends
Even if they have never told you about it, most of your friends and family members have faced this situation in their lives before. Go share it with them and talk to them about it. They might actually end up giving you great advice. And if not, at least you will have someone to share your sorrows with.
8. Avoid romantic movies and sitcoms
Yes, these will make you more depressed. Watch funny movies, follow a comedy series, or catch reruns of sitcoms you have always loved. These work as stress busters and will help you relieve yourself from feeling hurt.
9. Focus on your career
There’s nothing better than earning well and soaring to new heights in your career. Apply for a better job or start focusing more on the job at hand. You might get a raise earlier than you expected and even land that promotion you always wanted or thought you never deserved. A successful person is more likely to be a catch in the dating market than a person who drowns themselves in self-pity and sorrow.
10. Music and books
Read books and listen to music whenever you have free time – while commuting, before going to sleep, or during lunch breaks. Keep yourself engaged in an activity that makes you happy whenever possible. Avoid sad songs and breakup songs. These will only drown you in even more self-pity.
Accept it, grieve it, try to see their REAL side without your blinders on, distract yourself – indulge in hobbies, or accept friends’ and family’s company, go on a date – just a casual one. Most important of all, love yourself and accept that it just wasn’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean you’re lacking or not good enough. Cut out all the negative thoughts. Have a good cry and move on.
Also, psychologists say that falling in love with someone who is below you or someone who will reject you can be a repeated pattern in some people’s lives. Make sure this isn’t you, because you might have a deeper problem than you thought, my friend. Go consult a professional in that case, if you feel like this is a recurring problem.
(as published on New Love Times)