The world has begun to appreciate sarcasm and sassiness off late. Intelligent insults and witty comebacks are the rave. And why not? One of the best ways of shutting someone’s mouth is through insults. However this would be better if it comes from a literary figure like Shakespeare. At least you won’t be tagged as a foul mouth.
The biggest advantage would be that most wouldn’t understand it and may not even realize it was meant as an insult. Even though we haven’t all read Shakespeare’s works, we know who is. And his sass is legendary.
Hence, here we provide some more into the bard in the form of insults that could come in handy:
1. Villain, I have done thy mother
This one sounds so much more refined than its Hindi translation and no one would understand it either, at least for a few seconds.
2. Would thou wert clean enough to spit on
Good one, innit?
3. Poisonous bunch-backed toad
Give that to someone who spins poisonous words on and about you.
4. Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch
Better than a simple Son of a b**ch.
5. You, minion, are too saucy
This would be perfect for the boot lickers.
6. I am sick when I do look on thee
When you’ve had just too much and can’t even look at that annoying person.
7. Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell
For those pretentious one you’ve had just enough of.
8. Thy have a plentiful lack of wit
When the dumbness gets too much.
9. You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave
Better than ‘Talk to the hand’ frankly.
10. More of your conversation would infect my brain
When the conversation is just too below your standards.
11. Thou art as loathsome as a toad
When your hatred of the person needs to be expressed artfully.
12. No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out countries in her
For the ‘fat cow’ you so dislike.
13. Thou art as fat as butter
Another one for the one you dislike and that too much fat to be able to carry his own weight.
14. Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes
Wouldn’t you want to use this one on so many?
15. Away, you three-inch fool
Apt for the annoying short one who gets on your nerves.
16. Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous
Those who never have a good thing to say.
17. Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows
For the dim one who just doesn’t understand you. Ever!
18. I’ll beat thee but I wouldn’t infect my hands
When you don’t want to argue or physically fight with those below your level.
19. I do desire we may be better strangers
When you wish someone just hadn’t come into your life.
Go use these and spreads some sunshine then!
(as published on Topyaps)