‘Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create’. This holds true for every relationship, whether it be for work and personal life or even being able to balance between two families. Why two families? Because accept it or not, sooner or later, all of us get married. With being married comes in new relations, not just husband-wife, but being a daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, aunt and what not. And new relations doesn’t mean suddenly you will be able to (and neither should you) forget your own family, with whom you grew up and who took care of your every need and demand.
In the excitement of getting our Mr.Right and beginning our ‘happily ever after’ with them, we usually forget to focus on the practical aspects of the ‘after marriage life’, one of which is that the number of people in our life will now be double. Being able to keep everyone, and especially yourself, happy might soon become difficult (probably once the honeymoon period ends). How then does one make sure everyone concerned is satisfied? Here are a few tips that might help:
1. Don’t compare (your family with in-laws family)
This is only going to lead to disappointment for yourself (and later even a grudge). It is important to remember that in one’s own house one was pampered and all the limitations or bad habits were either ignored or never spoken about. This may not be the case in your new house because just as they are new to you, you too are new to them. It will take time for both parties to adjust to each other’s habits and schedules and not every household has the same way of thinking or working. Also, avoid talking to your family about your new family and how they function. Your new family might think of it as an invasion of privacy.
2. Gel in rather than trying to change
Yes, you might not like or agree to some of their ways. But they have been used to this since many years, so instead of immediately trying to change everything, try to adjust yourself to their ways. You can change the way things work once they get to know you better. This way arguments and disagreements can be avoided.
3. Treat your in-laws better than you treat your own family
Your new family has accepted you with aplomb, be grateful about it. Your own parents know you well, but the new ones don’t. Also, it is a big step for them too, to share their son, their house, their love with a new person. Understand this and even the fact that they are much older than you, respect this fact and treat them accordingly, sometimes even better than you treat your own parents and family, as this will you adjust better (and avoid any disagreements) too.
4. Seek your partner’s advice before making any major decision for the family
This is very important, especially in matters where you feel your inputs might offend your in-laws or be seen as interference.
5. Never talk bad about one family to the other
This not only creates bitterness but even leads both families judging each other and coming to conclusions without actually knowing what happened, so why take that unpleasant route anyway?
6. Keep in regular touch with both set of parents
Neither your old family nor or the new one should feel they are getting lesser attention than the other. They are both old and need you equally.
7.Keep certain things between you and your spouse
Being concerned is alright but this sometimes becomes an interference in your personal equation with your better half. You must understand what concerns your parents have and is that avoid that concern from morphing into interference. You need to draw the line the minute it reaches interference. Neither of the parents has the right, so to speak, to dictate how you should go about in your relationship with your spouse nor should they be speaking ill of your in-laws. Certain decisions and matters are to remain solely between your spouse and you alone. A good way to avoid their interference is to not give them a chance in the first place. If there is something about your spouse that bothers you, talk it out with your spouse rather than your parents, or worse, go complain to your spouse’s parents. That is a complete no-no; you aren’t a 5-year-old.
Every stage of life brings along with itself certain sets of changes. Marriage is one of those stages. Life after marriage is considerably different from life before it. What is essential here is for each partner to strike a balance between their respective parents and in-laws. This balancing act is essential for a marriage to be a strong and happy one.Remember, to attain a perfect balance in life after marriage, you will have to understand the old folks (yours as well as his) and let them know that you being married doesn’t change yours or his love for them.
*as published on Pinknest.in